Dan vs The Kids Next Door
by INeedACoolerName
Summary: Dan just wanted a peaceful day at the park, but since when does anything ever go his way. The KND made the mistake of ruining Dan's day and now they'll pay the price.


For the first time in weeks, Dan was at peace with the world. Sure he still had his list and sure it was still incredibly long, but the last few weeks had been stress free. Even Elise wasn't bugging him like she usually did.

To celebrate Dan's new record of three weeks without setting something on fire, robbing a bank, stealing candy from a baby, threatening to sue his grandmother, or doing anything else Dan would normally do, Chris agreed to take him to get eat out. Since he was now banned from all Burgerphiles in the L.A. area, Dan settled for a couple of hot dogs at the park.

Surprisingly, nothing had gone wrong. Chris was dreading the moment when something even started to slightly annoy Dan. No one knew how easily angry Dan could get like Chris did. But so far, no squirrel was staring at him, no kids were laughing too loudly, no old couples were trying to show pictures of their grandkids to him; to sum it up, nothing was making Dan go psycho. Except for a few teens biking around too fast, nothing was bothering Dan.

"You see, Chris?" Dan said calmly. "Everyday could be as peaceful as this one if you just did whatever I told you to."

"Well, Dan, I already go along your idiotic plans almost all of the time." He took another bite of his hot dog. "And when I'm not with you, I have a wife to get to at home."

"Exactly my point. When we get rid of her..." He smiled devilishly.

"That's out of the question Dan. You know how I feel when...hey? What's going on?" The bench began to shake tremendously. Suddenly the bench erupted off of the ground, sending Dan and Chris flying.

"My hot dog!" Chris cried.

"HEY!" Dan screamed as loudly as his lungs would allow him. "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!" Out of nowhere, a little bald kid with sunglasses appeared with what seemed to be a water gun filled with mustard.

"Hey kid! Who do you think you are, barging in here ruining my perfect day?" The kid didn't seem to hear him. He was muttering something into a large walkie talkie, something neither Dan or Chris could hear.

"KID? DID YOU HEAR ME?" Chris had begun holding Dan back for fear that he would be arrested for child abuse, but Dan was resisting.

The kid finally heard him. "I'm sorry sir, but there is an urgent mission that needs to be attended to by the Kids Next Door." He spoke with a slight British accent.

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?" But the kid had turned around, facing what once was a park bench. Out of the hole emerged a giant RV-like vehicle. Out of that came four kids that looked about the same age as the bald kid.

"Okay team" the British badly spoke again. "The teens have just stolen eleventy hundred cartons of ice cream from the Los Angeles County Elementary School and they plan on..."

"I swear if you kids don't start explaining this to me I'm going to..." Just as Dan was about to describe a cruel and gruesome torture, a small Asian girl walked up to him.

"I'm sorry Mister old man, but we've got urgent business to attend to and we really have no time to explain, but I'm really sorry we've messed up your day and I hope you can forgive us for what we're about to do. Bye bye now."

"NOW YOU WAIT HERE LITTLE BRAT! WHO ARE YOU CALLING OLD?" He was then shot with loads of chili and mustard, throwing him to the ground.

When Chris picked Dan up and he had finished cursing and telling, they had realized the kids were gone.

Chris had wiped some chili of of Dan's shirt and licked his hands. "Wow! Those kids can really good chili. I wonder what they put in it. I think I taste just a hint of green pepper, some..."

"CHRIS! Those kids ruined my day and then squirted me with condiments!"

"Chili isn't a condiment, Dan."

"I DON'T CARE! Those kids will pay for what they did to me."

"Dan, they're just kids. Don't you think that's s little harsh?"

"That's the point."

The drive home felt a little bit longer than usual. When they finally arrived at Dan's apartment, Dan was in shock.

"MY CAR!" he cried out, "Why do they always go for my car?"

Dan's car had been spray painted 'KIDS NEXT DOOR' in giant red letters. On the dude was poorly drawn picture of Dan being pushed out of a plane with the word 'LOOZAR' next to it. On the other side was a green monkey with a rainbow coming out of his head.

Dan fell to his knees, fists high in the sky, and shouted to the heavens.

"KIDS NEXT DOOR!"


End file.
